An Open Letter To ‘Pearl-Clutchers’, Re: No-Deal Brexit

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Authored by Catte Black via,

Dear Pearl Clutcher,

I know you’re very preoccupied panic-buying essential drugs and spare body bags (for when some of your family members inevitably die following a no-deal Brexit).

I know you’re seething with social-media-meme-induced rage about – well, you aren’t totally clear but you know BoJo is behind it all – and are too busy hammering out hysterical status updates to think too much. Even if thinking were your strong suit, which, let’s be honest Pearl, it isn’t.

I know you’re worn out from listening to that nice Owen Jones squeaking about ‘democracy’ at all those #stopthecoup rallies you went to with your Guardianista chums. And you have a dozen ready meals to prepare for the freezer (for when the EU takes away all our food), and biofuel to buy for the generator (for when the EU turns off the electricity).

But can I just grab a quick moment of your time, Pearl? Just to point out one small fact you might want to consider.

Here’s a thought experiment for you.

* * *

You are a landlord.

A not very nice landlord.

One day one of your tenants comes to you and says he wants to leave. He asks for his deposit back in full.

You say actually he forfeited his deposit because his dog wrecked the carpets and there’s paint on the kitchen tiles. But you’ll agree to him having a partial refund, provided he lets you keep his furniture.

The tenant says ‘but my furniture is worth more than the deposit, so no thanks.’

You say, ‘well that’s the deal, take it or leave it.’

The tenant says ‘I’ll leave it thanks.’

He leaves it and moves out with his furniture

* * *

Now re-run that scenario, only THIS time a new law means the tenant can’t leave without accepting a deal.

What will you do now? Bear in mind, YOU can refuse the deal, but HE can’t. YOU can offer almost any terms you want. HIS only option is to ask nice for something better. So, will you:

  1. Offer him better terms than before because he asks nice?

  2. Screw him every frickin which way you can and give him an even worse deal than before – because he literally can’t refuse?

With this in mind, what do you think the media hysteria about No Deal might actually be about?

Do you still believe neoliberal warmonger austerity-fan Hilary Benn was thinking about YOU when he tabled that bill?

I know the Guardian and its shrieking sisters have all been telling you that No Deal Brexit is even worse than just regular Brexit, and that probably it will mean everyone in the country dies (instead of just most of us), the sun boils and the Kraken wakes from the depths to devour all those who still breathe upon our shores.

But you see, Pearl, that’s reductionist garbage.

Forget Boogeyman BoJo and the blaring Carnival of Fear, and think. In the real world outside the perceptual insanity of media memes being able to walk away with No Deal is an essential part of any negotiation isn’t it? Without it you can’t deal at all.

And if you’re negotiating with a jerk who refuses to budge from his unacceptable terms then walking away is all you can do.

It’s definitely not better to say ‘oh well, I can’t have no deal so I guess I just take whatever you got.’

All Boris’s antics and Hilary’s timely intervention has done is bring us to this pass where the UK population is cheering the fact they have handed themselves over to the oligarchs wholesale.

Oh and, according to George Galloway, John McDonnell et al even persuaded Corbyn to vote against an election – against his own best instincts.

The media will tell you this was sound tactics because Corbyn would certainly lose.

Well, maybe, but let’s not forget if Corbyn loses an election, the old Blairite rump get to force a leadership contest and maybe foist Benn or Phillips on us. And let’s not forget Phillips and others are on record saying they don’t want a Corbyn government.

So, I suggest it’s possible the Labour Right doesn’t want an election because they know Corbyn could win.

Further they’ve managed to spin this so that Corbyn is now associated with Remain – thus alienating much of his natural base.

It’s all round so far a victory for the status quo, the centrists, the anti-democrats, the 1%.

BoJo seems passing good at not getting what he allegedly wants but what the ruling elite need, doesn’t he?

So, Pearl, do you feel silly now for basically campaigning for the oligarchs to shaft you?

Yup, you should.

How long before the cheering Left clue into the silent coup just pulled on them?

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