The Worst O-limp-ics Ever

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Never have so many won so many accolades for so few real achievements on the world stage. That about sums up the Olympics 2021 — or, as I call them, the O-limp-ics 2021. Indeed, the time has come to retire the hallowed motto of the Games: “Faster, Higher, Stronger.”

In our modern age, it’s: “Woker, Weaker, Loser.”

Take Megan Rapinoe, please. The infamously pink-purple-haired captain of the U.S. women’s soccer team teared up after America’s 1-0 loss to Canada, which hadn’t beaten the U.S. since 2001. “This sucks,” she lamented in a post-defeat TV interview on USA Network. “It sucks.” With a runny nose and watery eyes leaking, she complained: “I don’t think I’ve ever lost to Canada, so it’s a bitter one.”

Well, she is certainly a bitter one, ain’t she? Perhaps if Moany Megan had spent more time running drills on the field instead of running her mouth about Black Lives Matter or gender politics or her hatred for former President Donald Trump, she’d be on the gold medal stand instead of out in the cold. Good riddance.

Then there’s Laurel Hubbard, the New Zealand weightlifter hailed not for her victories but for being the “first out transgender woman to compete in the 125-year history of the Olympics.” Hubbard’s first outing consisted of failing not once, not twice, but three times to lift at 120 kilograms and 125 kilograms. Never mind. She’s already “made Olympic history” and become an “inspiration” for “young people” to “be their authentic selves.”

Three failed lifts? Woo-hoo! Bucket list items checked off! Now, Hubbard says, “it’s probably time for me to start thinking about hanging up the boots.” Talk about resting on your, um, laurels.

(Meanwhile, the actual victor and natural-born female in Hubbard’s event, China’s Li Wenwen, set three Olympic records as she won the gold medal. But, hey, who’s keeping track of the winners?)

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